Thursday, March 27, 2008

Diary of a Wedding Planning Machine: Piking Hens

Last weekend I was really excited. It was only a week until my kitchen tea and hens night. Now it's only two days away. It's rare for me to get excited these days. Most days I feel like I'm just keeping my head above water but this was a day I was really looking forward to.

My bridesmaids have organised it all and it's a big surprise. I love good surprises. I know the kitchen tea is going to be at my house this Saturday afternoon and then afterwards, we're going out for a night of fun! Even though I don't know what awaits me, I know it's nothing inappropriate. The girls wouldn't do that; I trust them.

In many ways I was looking forward to the hens night more than the wedding.
  • It was an event for me that I didn't have to organise. All I have to do is make sure my house is clean and then turn up.
  • I get to invite all of the people and of course they're all people I know.
  • There won't be a huge crowd of people I don't know.

There will be 173 people (including Duncan and I and the bridal party) at our wedding reception. Most of those people will be there for Duncan. I was looking forward to the hens night because I can finally go to an event without being in 'meet and greet' mode.

My hopes were shattered on Tuesday when Emma told me that only three people were coming to the hens night - and one has since realised she can't come. That's two. Two out of 25 that I invited!

Many people have not RSVPed at all. Those that have, some are going to be away on holidays or at the Jack Johnson concert which they booked months earlier. That's fine, I understand. I wish those people could come and I know they do too. I'm grateful that they cared enough to let me know.

What I am mega cheesed off about is that a lot of people haven't even bothered to reply at all and Emma said that some have told her that they plan to come to the kitchen tea but not the hens night. When I asked some of them about it, they didn't have a reason (such as work or another commitment) - it just sounded like they couldn't be bothered coming. Why I don't know as there will be nothing offensive at the hens night, I'm sure. It's like some people just think they can keep me happy by making an 'appearance' and then they can feel good about themselves.

No, no, no - that's not the point. I would always make the effort for someone's special occasion. Sure, you can't attend EVERY event but I would at least make an effort for important occasions. It seems like many of my friends and family just don't want to bother. I'm obviously not that important to them.

My bridesmaids did not understand why some people want to come to the kitchen tea only, if they don't have anything on that night. They said, "The kitchen tea isn't the main event."

I don't know what they're planning but I know it involves money and that they had to pay a deposit for something. I really don't want them to be out of pocket. It's not like it's really expensive and I don't want people using the "I'm poor" excuse if they're really not poor. I'm not aware that I've invited anyone in dire financial straits and if they are, then I'm sure they could just explain the situation to the bridesmaids and we could work something out. Throughout my life, I've met many young people who are 'conveniently poor'. That is, they don't want to pay for some things and claim they have no money. Then they see a new CD or top they like and suddenly they have money again. Hmmm, convenient that.

I don't care if it sounds selfish but my hens night is about me. It's one night where I get to do what I want. I don't complain about what other people organise for their own special occasions, I just go along with it because it's NOT my event. It's about celebrating with them. Even if what the bridesmaids have organised does not resonate with some people, surely they could make an effort for me, especially if they are not faced with moral compromises.

I was sitting at work yesterday, feeling like an absolute sad sack and trying not to let the tears start flowing. It's like my workmates said, "This generation is the 'me' generation". They don't bother about making an effort for other people unless they're getting something out of it. For them, it's not about how they can help someone celebrate their special day, it's about whether they enjoyed the show. I don't care if that offends people because right now I'm very hurt and I don't know if I'll bother with some people in the future.

One of my friends said about her birthday party a couple of years ago, "I feel like people only came to eat my food and drink my piss," then she hastily added, "not my urine - my alcohol." I know the feeling.

Duncan said myself or the bridesmaids should chase up those who are yet to RSVP (about 11 of them). I said "no". There's no way I'm going to chase people up. If they're so slack, they can miss out. I think Christina has sent a strongly worded email to them anyway. We had to chase people up for the wedding and some didn't even apologise for RSVPing late.

Some people complained they only had a few days to RSVP. I sent out a 'Save the Date' email in February to which some people responded. How much time do people need? We gave people about a month to RSVP for the wedding and some couldn't even do that!

One of my friends recently moved house and didn't get her invitation. THAT'S a legitimate excuse. I think she's coming though. I hope so as I can't wait to see her.

I know I'm not the first person to have a hens night where nearly everyone's bailed. Christina told me about a friend of hers who invited 30 people to her hens night and only seven turned up! Seven out of 30. That's pathetic!

But it's quality not quantity that counts. Thank you to my bridesmaids for organising for whatever it is. I'm sure I'll love it. Thank you to those couple of people who are coming. And thank you to those who can't come but at least have genuine reasons and RSVPed on time. I will miss having you there and wish I could change the date but I can't.

Anyone else had a hens night or know of someone who's had one where this sort of thing has happened?

Anyone want to come on Saturday night? Apparently you need $30 and a desire to have a good time.

4 comments:

bek said...

I completely know how you feel.

My hens party was a flop. I was sooo disappointed because I had been looking forward to it too!! I really wanted to have a good time out with the girls and just let our hair loose!!

I invited about 25 and only 8-10 turned up. We went out into freo but no-one was in the mood to do anything! I really wanted to go dancing (I love dancing) and only 1 person went with me....everyone else went home!! I couldn't believe it.

No offense here, but it seems to me that a lot of christian girls dont know how to just go out and have a good time. We weren't drinking or being idiots, we were just trying to have a good time and no-one was wanting to participate.

I was pretty upset, and I have had it on numerous occassions where people don't turn up at my b'day party and I just feel like the biggest loser for putting on the event. It makes it uncomfortable for everyone else!!

Well, I would LOVE to party with you, but I have 2 things on that night that I will be running in between!!

Sarah said...

Thanks dude. Sorry to hear yours wasn't what you hoped for either.

No offense taken at all, I know what you mean. I love having a good time and doing things that are a bit wacky and 'out there'(but not stupid or dangerous) and I don't need alcohol to do it either....unlike some people.

You'd think people could be 'in the mood' and make the effort when it's their friend's special occasion but that's selfishness for ya.

A couple of my bridesmaids might be bringing one or two of their friends so the night is not a complete financial flop for them. I don't mind because I hve met these people before and they are happy to come and just have a good time...unlike some others.

Iris Flavia said...

I don´t believe this!
Boy I do hope you got it wrong - people cannot be that selfish, blind and cruel, can they?!
I mean, you always ask yourself, how would I feel? And do the right thing. 30 bucks isn´t the world.

I hope no matter how many show up, you have a great night that is in your honor!

Why is it calls hens night? I have to think of chicken treat and am hungry now! And we have nothing comparable to it!

Hope you have a fun night ahead, make the best out of it to have a good laugh whenever thinking of it!

Sarah said...

Hi Iris, I'm not sure why it's called a hens night. It's just tradition here that the bride has a party with her female friends to celebrate her last night out with the girls as a single woman. It usually occurs a week or so before the wedding. The groom's equvalent is called a bucks night.

Unfortunately yes people can be that cruel. They don't seem to bother about celebrating with their friend, it's more about whether what's planned will interest them.